Sometimes it is understood that compassion is a quality that makes us vulnerable, condescending with what we are, with what happens to us. Something like "drain the lump." So, stopping to think of a compassionate person may bring to mind images of people who are fragile or weak.
In the dictionary we can find the definition of compassion as a feeling of sadness that produces seeing someone suffer and that drives us to alleviate their pain, suffering or to remedy or avoid it in some way. But it really is not only this.
The Importance of Compassion
In reality, compassion is not a feeling that is necessarily identified with sadness, but rather with feelings of courage, courage, and respect for ourselves and others. It goes beyond our primary instincts.
In fact, for one of the pioneering researchers of self-compassion worldwide (Kristin Neff, 2003), compassion for ourselves is based on:
Be aware of and be open to our own suffering
Be kind and not condemn ourselves
Be aware of sharing the experiences of suffering with others, instead of being ashamed or feeling alone, showing our common openness to humanity.
In addition, Compassion-Centered Therapy (CFT) devised by the British psychologist Paul Gilbert, was designed for people who presented complex and chronic mental problems derived from self-criticism, shame and who also came from conflictive environments.
That said, it seems then that not being ashamed of what we think and feel about ourselves is one of the things that make us courageous and courageous people. But there is much more behind compassion.
Emotional regulation systems
There is research that suggests that our brain contains at least three emotional regulation systems to react to the things we perceive from the following systems (Paul Gilbert, 2009):
1. Threat and self-protection system
This system is the one that is in charge of detecting and responding quickly to fight, flee, become paralyzed or face a situation, from anxiety, anger or disgust. The fear of being damaged in some way would be their main fuel.
When this system is more activated than the others, we usually relate to the world and the people around us seeking protection and security against possible threats to our physical or mental integrity. As if we were in danger.
For better or for worse, it is a primitive system that prioritizes threats over pleasant things (Baumeister, Bratlavsky, Finkenauer & Vhons, 2001), and it is clear that in the time where we lived surrounded by wild beasts ready to devour us, It was very useful for us.
2. Activation system to search for incentives and resources
This system tries to offer us feelings that drive us to obtain resources in order to survive, prosper and satisfy our vital needs as human beings (Depue & Morrone- Strupinsky, 2005)
It is a system that seeks to feel rewarded with things like sex, food, friends, recognition or comfort that activates the threat and protection system when for some reason, we are blocked from achieving these things.
In other words, this system helps and motivates us to satisfy our basic vital needs as social beings, but sometimes an excess of it can lead us to desire goals that we cannot achieve and disconnect from what we do (Gilbert, 1984; Klinger 1977). . Consequently, we can feel frustrated, sad and overwhelmed when we feel that we are fully involved in our work or projects and things do not go as we expected.
3. Comfort, satisfaction and safety system
This system helps us provide tranquility and balance to our lives. When animals do not have to fend off threats or necessarily get something, they can be satisfied (Depue & Morrone-Strupinsky, 2005).
This system awakens feelings of satisfaction and security by making us feel that we do not need to fight to achieve something. It is an inner peace that generates feelings of absence of needs and increases the connection with others.
Training in this system can make us compassionate and can be very effective for our well-being.
The kindness, tranquility and security that we can perceive from our environment towards ourselves act on brain systems that are also associated with the feelings of satisfaction and joy that hormones called endorphins generate.
Oxytocin is another hormone related (along with enforphin) with feelings of security in social relationships that provides us with the feelings of feeling loved, wanted and safe with others (Carter, 1998; Wang, 2005).
In fact, there is increasing evidence that oxytocin is related to social support and that it reduces stress, and that people with low levels of it show high levels of stress response (Heinrichs, Baumgatner, Kirschbaum, Ehlert, 2003 ).
Why does being compassionate require courage and bravery?
For this reason, being brave when it comes to relating to the world around us, establishing relationships, being open, not rejecting or avoiding or acting as if we care about other people's lives, may have to do with feeling good with ourselves and can also avoid developing psychological pathologies in the future. Because we want to or not, we are and continue to be social beings. And this is where compassion comes into play.
That is, thanks to this system of comfort, security and satisfaction, we can train ourselves to develop the qualities of compassion, and not let ourselves be carried away by primary instincts that seek to satisfy our unmet needs and desires at all times. But for the latter, great doses of courage and bravery are needed.
Great doses of courage and bravery in the sense of being able to recognize ourselves that in terms of well-being, it is better to sometimes give up what we want (letting ourselves be led by systems based on threat or achievement), to give priority to what we really value (comfort, satisfaction and security system).
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